Solitude is a life skill that no one can teach you.

Blaise Pascal made significant contributions to the fields of natural sciences such as physics and mathematics before his death at the age of 39, particularly in fluid dynamics, geometry, and probability. In fact, many areas we now discuss under "social sciences" were developed on the foundation he laid.

Interestingly, many of his major achievements were completed in his teens and twenties. Then, as an adult, inspired by religious experiences, he began to turn towards philosophy and theology. Shortly before his death, he was also digging into fragments of private thoughts, which were later published under the title Pensées.

The life of Pensées is primarily a case of a mathematician turning towards religious faith, but what is even more intriguing is his clear reflection on the meaning of human existence. Long before "psychology" was regarded as a formal discipline, it served as the basis for all our psychological issues.

He cited many thought-provoking materials, attacking human nature from various angles; among them is the most famous idea that aptly summarizes the core of all his arguments, which is:

“All the problems of humans stem from their inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

According to Pensées, we all fear the silence around us, we fear boredom, and thus we prefer to choose aimless distractions, inevitably transforming our emotional issues into false comforts for the soul. Fundamentally, the problem lies in the fact that we have never learned the art of solitude.

Modern Society "Connects Everything"

Today, the message of Pensées is more relevant than ever. If there is one word to describe the progress made in the past 100 years, it is undoubtedly — connection. Information technology has dominated the direction of our modern culture. From telephones to radios, from televisions to the internet, we have found ways to connect us more closely, allowing us to constantly learn about anything happening around the world.

I can sit in an office in Canada and send my thoughts anywhere I want via Skype. On the other side of the world, I can still know what is happening at home with a quick scroll. I feel I hardly need to emphasize all the benefits of this; the downsides are also starting to show, and beyond the current discussions about privacy and data collection, there may be more harmful side effects.

We live in a world where everything can connect to the outside. If Pensées' observation that "we cannot sit quietly in a room" is correct regarding the human condition, then due to today's trends, the problem will certainly increase by an order of magnitude.

Of course, the logic is tempting. So, let me pose a question: why would you choose to be alone when, in such an era, you really don't have to?

The answer might be: never being alone does not mean you will never feel lonely. Worse still, the less loneliness you feel, the less likely you are to understand yourself. Then, you will spend more time avoiding focusing on it elsewhere. In the process, you will become addicted to the technologies that are supposed to set you free.

You merely want to use the noise from the outside to prevent the discomfort of dealing with yourself, but that does not mean this discomfort will permanently disappear.

Almost everyone believes they are self-aware; they think they can understand their feelings and thoughts and the various issues of their existence. But in fact, very few can truly do so; those who can often are the ones who can first articulate the variability of self-awareness and how much time alone is needed to reach that state.

In today's world, people can live their entire lives wearing false masks; — in fact, many do just that. We are increasingly unaware of who we are, and that is the most serious problem.

Try to Treat Boredom as a Stimulus Mode

If we bring it back to the basics, it is also something Pascal's thoughts touched upon — our aversion to solitude is actually an aversion to boredom.

Fundamentally, we are not necessarily addicted to the television just because it has something enjoyable in it, just as we are not addicted to most stimulants because the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the contrary, what we may truly be addicted to is a state of boredom.

Almost anything that controls our lives in an unhealthy way proves that we are very afraid of the void that comes when there is nothing around us. We cannot imagine the consequences of sitting idle without taking action. Therefore, we seek entertainment, seek work, seek social interaction, and if all else fails, we will look for something higher.

But we overlook the fact that we never face this void, just as we never face ourselves. Never facing ourselves is why we feel lonely and anxious, even though we are closely connected to other things around us.

Fortunately, there is a solution to avoid being destroyed by this fear — face it. Let boredom take you to where you want to go so you can deal with your true feelings. At that moment, you will hear your thoughts, and you will learn to connect with those parts of you that have been covered by distractions.

The beauty of doing this is that once you get past the initial barrier, you will realize that being alone is not so bad. Even boredom can provide the stimulation and interest you desire.

When surrounded by solitude and a quiet atmosphere, you will become familiar with your environment in ways that forced stimulation does not allow. The world becomes richer, layers begin to peel away, and you will see the reality, integrity, contradictions, and strangeness of things.

You will realize that there are other things you can pay attention to, beyond those that create a huge noise on the surface, because a quiet room without the screams and excitement of a movie or TV show does not mean there is nothing worth exploring deeply there.

Sometimes, this solitude may make you very uncomfortable, especially when it comes to introspection — your thoughts and feelings, your doubts and hopes — but in the long run, it is far more pleasant than any form of unconscious escape.

Embracing boredom can lead you to discover new things you didn't know; it is like a newborn child seeing the world for the first time. It also resolves most internal conflicts.

Solitude is the Beginning of Understanding Yourself

The more the world develops, the more stimuli it will provide to motivate us to break our own thoughts and engage with it.

Although it may be somewhat exaggerated to say that failing to get along with solitude is the root of all our problems, it is not a completely dismissive issue.

We do a lot of work for closer connections, but at the same time, everything is drifting further away from us. We are so busy distracting ourselves that we forget to talk to ourselves, which makes us feel increasingly lonely.

Interestingly, the culprit is not our obsession with any specific secular stimulus; rather, it is the fear of the void — our dependence on a state of boredom, our instinctive aversion to our own existence.

Without realizing the value of solitude, we overlook the fact that once we face the fear of boredom, it can actually provide us with more stimulation. And the only way to face it is to create time, whether daily or weekly, just to sit down — with our thoughts, feeling the stillness of the moment.

The oldest philosophical wisdom in the world offers us one piece of advice: know yourself. There is a very good reason to prove it.

Without understanding ourselves, it is almost impossible to find a healthy way to interact with the surrounding world. Without time to figure ourselves out, we have no foundation to build the rest of our lives.

Enjoying solitude and connecting with the subconscious within is a skill that no one has taught us. But it is ironically more important than most of what everyone else does.

Solitude may not be the solution to all problems, but it is certainly a start.

Original text from: https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-most-important-skill-nobody-taught-you-9b162377ab77, compiled by Feat team;